I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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