I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
