i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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