Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize