your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize