Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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