I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
