70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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