you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
