Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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