so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
