I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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