The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
