Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
