he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
