We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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