Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
