It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
