I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
