dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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