happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
you win again, gameday.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
