it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
