I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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