There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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