I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
