Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
