At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
