Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
