Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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