there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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