i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
