yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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