can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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