Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
