we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
