I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
