You work out of a Hotel?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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