someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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