If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Randomize
