how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
