I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
