Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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