they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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