he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
