my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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