is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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