I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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