im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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