a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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