Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
