No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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