i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
