Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Also, beer. Big fan.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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