Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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