where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
