Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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