oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My dick has a subreddit
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
