i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
