Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
