I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
