last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
