I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
