Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
so much tequila, so little girl.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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