my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
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