My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Small penises have feelings too.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Can you bring me the toilet please
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
