I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
