just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
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