He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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