He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
