if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
