I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
