dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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