yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
