Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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